HOWDY AMERIBROS!

I was just talking to my good friend Google Analytics and she said that we get heaps of people reading our blog from America! The amount of American readers is second only to New Zealand, and they are catching up quick. For every two and a half New Zealanders reading there's one American. We are totally going to get famous. TIME TO GO TO HOLYWOOD YOU GUYS.

For our good buddies in America who don't know much about good old New Zealand, here are some fun facts:

• Our national animal is the kiwi. The kiwi is a large flightless bird which can be trained to be ridden like a horse, especially if you are in Patea Maori Club (our national rugby team). A kiwi is to an ostrich what a gorilla is to a chimp. Kiwis are huge, fearless, badass birds.

This picture is called "Kiwi ridden by rugby player with Lizard bros"

This picture is called "LOLZ YOU GONNA GET EATEN BY A KIWI LOLZ"

• We are only a short drive from Australia. There is a bridge from Hamilton in Australia, to Hamilton in New Zealand. This is how Shorty K got to New Zealand! It takes two hours and 15 minutes to drive across the bridge, (Kelvin walked so it took him a bit longer) but it can be tricky as we drive on the opposite side of the road from the Aussies so you have to switch sides when you get to the middle. Sometimes this causes accidents and cars fall into the sea and get eaten by a shark but other times it's totally ok.

This picture is called "The Anzac Bridge"

This picture is called "other times it's totally ok"

• We have giant cockroaches in New Zealand! They considered a delicacy and are extra delicious. Unlike the cockroaches overseas ours are deadly poisonous and must be prepared very carefully by a professional Cockroacher beforehand. Especially good with raw egg and Kumara (a type of New Zealand Strawberry)

This picture is called "Check out my cockroach bro"

• Our king is named Simon Barnett and he is a bit of a douche. He's pretty harmless, but he swans around in little more than a robe and an erection and often rides his bicycle indoors which really annoys shopkeepers and ushers at the theatre. He sometimes dances with the stars but they don't like it one bit.

This picture is called "This is not him this is just some guy"

Pawnee on a ramapage'd

BB = white. Ben = Black. Its my move...

Basically, to break it down...it has been a game with very few mistakes. I call it 'pussy chess'...cause its like we are both wimps about doing anything risky. Usually I do something risky that'd only work against lesser opponents and its fine. Not against Ben though. Y'all knows how it goes. You get a sweet run of taking two pawns and you get a bit penisy about it and BAM you've lost a rook. Sucks.

Well...that hasn't happened today.

I've been gunning for queen to C6...which was working cause he was worried about his A8 rook. BUT THEN THE FUCKER JUMPED HIS HORSE E6 to D5!!!?!?!?!? DICK. Srsly though, check out how awesomely placed my rook is.. A6. I can't wait to get my bishop (F1) back in the game. Its totally gonna get some.

A little worried y'all...am I losing my maverick chess playing style in favour of something more mature? Am I starting to identify with the pieces? Has chess finally consumed me?

[EDIT-----> I've been looking at it more and that game plan was TERRIBLE!!!!! It'd be more like...F1 - H3, D5 -F6? F3 - C6....then, I dunno. He'd be in check with three options.]

WHOA LOOK AT ME GO

Last night we went to Welcome and got some horrible food (see below). There was some sweet graffiti thati'm pretty sure Kim did

This is Buck and Dutchy's new thing at Welcome

Chicken Pattie between two Potato Fritters. They are pretty shit and horrible but ok with sweet chilli sauce

AND STUFFED MUSHROOMS BRO

they are good

The Cool Kids, Stalley, Ski Beatz. Just put the butter on the popcorn...

WE CAN DO IT BIG: VIDEO from Creative Control on Vimeo.

Most fucked up chorus ever? Odder than "Meeeeeeeeet zombi, with sexy feeeeeeet zombi, yooooooou zawmbee, porkchop feeeet zombi"?????????

I know this has been everywhere but

FUCK THIS IS SO GOOD!!

BB POSTS! - NOW WITH EXTRA CONTEXT!

EDIT. SORRY. Apparently I need context in these things...

Heres the context, bitches.

(I mean the "bitches" in the end of the sentence rap way...I'm not calling anyone a bitch...)

The rich are getting richer! The poor are getting poorer!

From Stuff.co.nz:

"WHAT THE TAX CHANGES WILL MEAN

Dropping the 38 per cent top personal rate to 33 per cent would deliver tax cuts to those earning over $70,000.

Someone on $80,000 a year would be about $10 a week better off, and someone on $90,000 would get an extra $20 a week.

John Key, on $390,000 a year, would get about $291 more a week.

The average household would need a tax cut of well over $20 a week to compensate for the rise in GST.

In 2007 the average Kiwi household spent about $950 a week, including groceries, fuel, clothing and healthcare, about $106 of which was in GST.

Lifting the tax to 15 per cent would add an extra $21.25 to the bill, and a 20 per cent rate would add $63.75."

THAT'S GREAT THANKS JOHN KEY, I GET NO EXTRA MONEY AND I HAVE TO PAY MORE GST WHILE YOU GET $291 EXTRA A WEEK WHICH YOU DON'T NEED. I COULD REALLY USE THAT $291 BRO.

Someone tell me I'm reading this thing wrong. I've misinterpreted it right? Fucking hell man I'm just trying to run a curly haired business here.

NSFW NSFW NSFW

 I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. I DID NOT MAKE THIS. 

link here. DONT GO IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE SOMETHING GROSS. I ALREADY VOMITED TWICE

I don't even approve of this.

AH, like. You can make your own just like this stupid person did. HERE.